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Values
that Inform My Work |
Heartfelt comments and
positive feedback from my clients have challenged me to articulate not
just my approach to my work, but the values I hold that inform that
work.
On the surface, their comments start with how "nice," and/or
easy I am to work with. As we talked more, it was obvious that what I
do is closely tied to the values I hold.
Straight Talk,
First Do no Harm
One of my former clients commented that I deliver even very difficult
feedback in a format that people can hear.
Often, the feedback I need to give isn't what clients want to hear. My
job is to tell the truth, to speak of the unspeakable, and declare
current realities. And, at the same time, hold a place of respect and
concern for my clients. My core value: first do no harm.
When I deliver even very bad news from a place of respect, clients are
more likely to hear. Their hearing the "what is" let's us
move forward and use that knowledge and understanding to inform
decisions and plans that need to be made.
Acknowledge
the Truth, Make the Invisible Visible
Several former clients commented I seem "to get it", even
without asking lots of questions or talking to lots of people. I really
do ask a lot of questions. But, I also use a lot of unobtrusive
measures, looking at what people are doing, saying, not saying, and
what the environment and interactions are telling me. My core value:
tell the truth, make visible the invisible.
Everyone has secrets, big ones and little ones. Often, they'll keep
their secrets hidden, not just from others, but even from themselves.
In every case, hidden or visible, a secret has an effect. People know
something's not right, they just aren't sure what it is, or even where
and when to start looking. I sort through the layers of complexity and
ambiguity. I assess when people are running their own agenda, or have
idiosyncratic decision making or problem solving patterns. I sort out
the issues and the effects they are having on the effectiveness of the
organization and the key players.
By identifying the patterns of individual and group behavior, what they
say and what they do, I can find the leverage points to help people
choose to change.
Making
Choices, Owning Freedom
Some years ago, a client remarked that she found working with me
"motivating." I had visions of a stereotypical motivational
speaker, until she set me straight. "You help me see what's
possible, that I can do it, and that it's my choice to make changes.
So, even when I don't really 'want to,' I can understand what I need to
do to move forward." My core value: take charge of what's
happened, and act from choice.
I firmly believe we can't always control what's happened to us.
Especially other people. But we must take charge of what we do about
what's happened. Taking charge, making good decisions and acting on
them, rests on the foundation of facing reality and seeing viable
options. Like the old song says, knowing when to hold 'em, fold 'em, or
walk away.
Good choices are as much tied to the process of choosing as the outcome
of the process. By looking at long term consequences, rather than
what's expedient in the short run, and what options are available,
rather than just what you think you need to feel better, decision
making can play a significant role in achieving strategic goals. Which
means, of course, paying a short term price to increase the likelihood
of achieving a long term goal. It means, freely choosing, not letting
other people, circumstances or external events determine what you'll do
next.
I Want You, I
Don't Need You
One day a client greeted me with a full confession: he'd really messed
up. Big time. Did the very thing that we had been working on his not
doing. Disregarded all our hard work, and, one more time, did the very
thing I'd been asked to get him to stop doing.
As we talked that afternoon, he kept asking if I were angry with him,
if I were still willing to work with him. We did talk about what he'd
done. What set him off, what he'd learned, how he'd recover, who he
owed as a result of his "bad behavior." I also strongly
reinforced my expectations and his agreement to change.
He'd failed himself, not me. If I had been caught up in letting each of
his successes or failures determine how I felt about him, about myself,
or our work together, then I'd be letting him control me.
This is another one of those paradoxes: I must do less than half of the
work. If not, my clients never learn how to do it themselves, or are
only changing because I'm there to look over their shoulder and check
up on them. I'm transferring skills and helping shift attitudes by
facilitating their taking ownership of new competencies.
I can't get angry or vindictive when people don't act in their own, or
their organization's, best interests and/or keep their agreements for
change. If I do, I've failed them, and failed the work.
I assume their good will, their intention to change, and the issues and
concerns that keep them from learning or acting in new ways arise out
of their nonconscious behavior, fear, lack of skill or awareness, not
maliciousness or devious needs to make me look bad.
Does this mean I don't get concerned when people slide back into the
same old stuff, like this client did? Of course not. But, it's part of
the work. None of us learn and grow in a straight line. Back sliding
and stumbles are to be expected. When they occur, it provides an
opportunity for further learning, not an excuse for abuse.
What this
means for you:
In a coaching relationship, congruent values are essential. When we can
articulate our values, and then share them, our work moves faster, our
relationship grows stronger, and we are more likely to obtain the
results we both want from our time together.
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For
additional information, you may complete an information
form or contact Dr. Pat
Wiklund directly at:
236 West Portal Ave. #349
San Francisco, CA 94127
Email:
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