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People Reading in Real Time
We've heard the
slogans: career success depends on developing relationships,
establish rapport with your colleagues. And do it quickly!
No longer is it enough to treat our co-workers the way we
would like to be treated. Now we are being challenged to
employ the Platinum Corollary to the Golden Rule: do unto
others the way they would like to be done unto.
But how can you do it? How
do you quickly size up a new team member, or an internal
customer, and then shape your approach to his style? How do
you read new colleagues in real time, and then use what
you've discovered to help you be more effective and
productive together?
Strategies and approaches
to people reading abound. Behavioral scientists have
developed style assessment instruments. Team building
experts offer six cassette audio programs and three day
seminars. Some even have lists of questions to
memorize.
But, it is tough to refer
to a list when you're meeting a new co-worker, to remember
the pros' suggestions in real time, and certainly not the
time to administer a paper and pencil instrument.
Use the "three P's"
instead:
All the suggestions and
models for people reading can be summarized in three P's:
pace, priority and process. Pace assesses energy: does this
person talk, think and move fast or slow? What's her
priority: people or tasks? What's his process for making a
decision: data and facts or hunches and intuition? This
model quickly covers the basics in people reading, and
provides pointers for customizing your responses based on
the characteristics of your new acquaintance.
People reading starts with
listening. By interested questioning, deliberate listening,
and thoughtful analysis of what we have heard, we understand
what people want and how we can best explain what we have to
do. Our understanding builds rapport. With rapport comes the
beginnings of relationship. With relationship comes
increased likelihood of successful teamwork. We go where
they are so we can lead them to where we would like them to
be.
Step one: ask questions.
Find out what they can offer. What have they been doing? Has
it worked well for them? What do they need, what resources
are important? Ask for clarification of incomplete or
confusing answers.
Step Two: listen to what
they say and how they say it. Listen for content: what they
are saying. What is their need? What don't they need or
want? Check it out. Are you accurate, or are you working
from what you think they should need?
Listen with your third
ear: how are they saying what they are saying? How people
talk gives the clues for reading them in real time. Watch
for physical clues, how they move their body and use the
space around them. Listen for vocal clues, their tone of
voice and the pacing of their words. Think about the words
that they use to assess their information processing style.
Listening for content tells you their needs. Listening with
the third ear tells you their style.
Step three: analyze what
you have heard using the three P's: pacing, priority and
process.
Fast paced prospects move
quickly, talk quickly and use lots of space around them.
Their words tumble from their mouths in short sentences that
jump quickly from one idea to the next. They use graphic
words, few adjectives, and move on even if you do not keep
up. Deliberate people move more slowly and use less space.
They measure their words, and use longer sentences with lots
of detail and adjectives. Others describe them as easy going
or laid back. Think of the difference between a stereotypic
big city New Yorker and a Georgia farmer. Pace is a measure
of speed, not intelligence, interest, or ability.
Priority clues are found
in the results people want. Are they considering people or
products? If you hear how will my folks feel, or how will
this impact our dual career families, you are dealing with a
people person. If you hear what is the bottom line, or how
will this impact our quality standards and criteria, task is
the priority.
Information processing
style addresses the data wanted and the approach used for
making decisions. Are they deliberate or intuitive? Do they
focus on details, or the big picture? Do they ask specific
questions about features, or focus more on who else has
bought what you are selling? Do they want to know amounts,
dates, places, and times? Or do you hear them saying it
sounds good, maybe it will work, or it feels okay?
Do they make decisions
quickly or do they want to think about it? Quick deciders
determine a need, ask for information, and take action. They
move so quickly their decisions are assumed not stated. They
are ready to take action while you are still offering
information. Contemplative deciders keep the process open.
They establish what might be a need and ask for information.
The information leads to more possible needs, which of
course triggers the need for more information. And so on,
and so on, and so on. They need help focusing on priorities
and getting started on some part of the task, even if the
whole project isn't outlined. (It never will be!)
Step four: use what you
have learned. People reading moves out of the realm of
interesting parlor games and into a powerful tool for
developing productive relationships when you use what you
now understand about the other person to establish rapport.
The objective is to mirror their style so you can treat them
the way they want to be treated.
But, like most powerful
tools, mirroring can be a double edged sword. Your objective
is to establish a comfort and understanding with a new
co-worker, not mimic every move they make. Mirroring is not
parroting back to a prospect the last four words in every
sentence, nor imitating every posture, vocal or verbal
characteristic. Rapport is built by presenting yourself with
a flavor of the other person's style. You aim towards the
midline between your combined styles.
If you are the Georgia
farmer, speed up a bit when talking to that New Yorker. If
your internal customer is angry and upset, increase the
intensity of your voice and posture, without moving into
anger and negativity. Match eye level: stand if they are
standing, sit if they sit down. But, don't cross your arms,
legs, or fiddle with desk accessories just because they do.
Moderate your matching.
When it comes to priority,
be prepared with responses to fit their style Anchor your
explanations with a "what this means to you..." tag line to
match their priority.
Be prepared with data and
details for deliberate deciders. Be sure you can describe
the big picture for intuitives. Get out of the way with
quick deciders. Be listening for decision signals. Be
willing to nudge and coach a contemplative decider. State
what has been decided, what won't change, what can be acted
upon even if there are still some open issues.
People reading is the
cornerstone to establishing rapport and treating others the
way they want to be treated. With a little practice you can
quickly develop a powerful tool for increasing your
effectiveness as a team player. It allows you to build a
base of solid relationship skills enhances the ability of
the whole team to be more successful.
________
1225 words
Patricia Wiklund Ph.D., author, consultant, and coach works with 1Person Business owners who want to grow their businesses by getting and staying focused, maximizing their sales and marketing efforts, and delivering premier services to their target markets. Information on her coaching services and on-line product catalogue can be found at www.1PersonBusiness.com.
An electronic version of
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reprint. If permission is granted, we request a hard copy of
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