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Who Me?
Difficult? Yes! You!
We
all like to think we are easy to get along with. We don't
make our co-workers lives difficult.
But,
chances are, if you find some of your co-workers hard to
work with, someone will find you a challenge, too.
You are
not a challenge because you intentionally decided to be. In
fact, the attributes and skills you consider to be your best
strengths may be the very ones someone else finds difficult
to deal with.
See if you
can find yourself in one (or more!) of the following
profiles:
- You
call it decisive, they call you a steam roller.
You are
the kind of person who can make quick decisions. You size up
situations quickly, see the best alternative, and then take
action. No use waiting around, you tell yourself and
co-workers. They are swept up and away by your pace. They
are still trying to figure out the question, or looking at
alternatives, and you are finished with the task. They feel
run over or devalued; you didn't hear their contributions
because your mind was already made up.
When
working on a team, check in with each of them. Make sure you
have heard from all of them before you announce your
decision. By asking, even if they say okay, you will make
sure they are feeling included.
- You
know you are gathering consensus, they think you are
wishy washy.
Even
though you are working together, time constraints or project
specifications may preclude everyone agreeing on everything.
If everyone always agreed, you wouldn't need group input. If
you are in charge, there comes a time for you to say enough
talking, this is what we'll do. The challenge is finding the
balance between too soon and too late.
- You're
being accommodating, they call you a pleaser.
While
being agreeable is important, accommodating the needs of
others, (especially when it's your boss), just saying yes or
no problem, when there is going to be trouble is worse than
telling the truth. Give a realistic "heads up" to prevent
problems from escalating. Too much pleasing and not enough
delivering gets you the reputation of being
unreliable.
- You
see yourself as cautious, they see you as a roadblock.
New
projects need a balance between making haste slowly and
getting things done. Waiting until everything is perfect, or
all the facts are known, is impossible. Decisions are
necessary when all the facts aren't known. If you knew
everything you wanted to know, you wouldn't need to make a
decision. The way would be evident.
- You
think you are thorough and they think you're a motor
mouth.
- You
think yourself succinct and obvious, they label you aloof
and uncommunicative.
These are
two sides of the same issue. How much and how efficiently a
person talks are core factors what makes people difficult. A
person who loves to explain all the details and side issues
is both challenged by and is challenging to someone who
talks in simple two or three words sentences. What may be
obvious to the one needs full discussion by the other.
Consider not only what you want to say, but to whom you are
talking. If you present your message in a way the other is
most likely to hear, you save time and aggravation for both
of you.
- You
are guided by the rules, others think you are unfeeling,
or nit picking.
- You
see yourself as considerate of personal circumstances,
others think you are morally inconsistent.
Again, two
sides of the same issue. What comes first, people's feelings
and needs or the rules and policies? Keeping the dialogue
open and aiming for a clear understanding of the other's
point of view moves the conflict from personal to
philosophical. They aren't unfeeling, you aren't a bleeding
heart. You are both trying to make the work place match your
values and perspective. Neither of you is wrong, just
different.
- You
like the window open, with lots of fresh, cool air, they
like the heat on high.
This
conflict can be centered on any number of specific issues:
smoking or not, shades up or down, the station on the radio,
the size of the margins on paper work. The list goes on and
on. The battles over these personal preferences can go on
and on, too. And, usually it takes a disinterested third
party to resolve.
Are you
looking for who's right or what's right? If the answer is
"who's right," you have found an industrial strength
difficult person. Little if anything you do will be
effective.
This
couldn't be you, could it?
________
790 Words
Patricia Wiklund Ph.D., author, consultant, and coach works with 1Person Business owners who want to grow their businesses by getting and staying focused, maximizing their sales and marketing efforts, and delivering premier services to their target markets. Information on her coaching services and on-line product catalogue can be found at www.1PersonBusiness.com.
An
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