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Coming to Terms with
Your Industrial Strength Difficult Person
Call it bad vibes, gut
reaction, instant dislike, or hitting a major hot button. Truth be
told, there are just some people we don't like, don't want to associate
with, and want to avoid. But, when they're our co-workers, we can't
avoid them. We may have to work closely with them, day after day, until
we successfully complete the job.
If you are stuck with your difficult
person, it may be time to let go, to change how you feel about and deal
with your own industrial strength difficult person.
Letting go doesn't mean excusing bad
behavior or denying how we feel. It means detaching ourselves from
feeling bad. Letting go means not letting the other person determine
how you think and feel. You can detach by taking charge of how you see
them and yourself.
Ask yourself:
1. Who else has the same issues and
problems with your difficult person that you do? How is this third
party like you? Not like you?
2. Who doesn't seem to have problems
with your difficult person? Again, ask yourself how they are like or
not like you. What do they do, how do they relate to your difficult
person that doesn't seem to trigger the same feelings or problems you
have?
3. Who does your difficult person
remind you of? They may well have a different name, a different face,
but their behavior, attitude or style is familiar to you. Why? They
remind you of someone else, someone you don't like.
Take a mental leap to the next level.
Start thinking of the larger issues. Is this a question of values,
personality or attitude that stands between you and your difficult
person? Or, are your differences in professional focus or training?
Does age or culture play a role? Or, do you still have unfinished
business with your difficult person, and are letting it get in the way?
By identifying who else does or
doesn't have trouble with your difficult person, you can see other ways
other people have of dealing with the person you find so troublesome.
You may well find an alternative you can use for yourself. Or you may
decide not to do what you see others do.
The objective of this exercise is not
to change the other person, or minimize their difficult behavior. Or
even to become buddies.
The objective is to see the other
person and yourself more clearly, and detach yourself from upsetting
feelings.
By understanding the dynamics of how
a difficult person "makes" you feel, you can choose to take
charge of your feelings. You can decide not to let your difficult
person determine how you feel and act.
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445 words
Patricia Wiklund Ph.D., author, consultant, and coach works with 1Person Business owners who want to grow their businesses by getting and staying focused, maximizing their sales and marketing efforts, and delivering premier services to their target markets. Information on her coaching services and on-line product catalogue can be found at www.1PersonBusiness.com.
An electronic version of this article
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